Dear CCC Members,
This message is not what the title is all about, although I wish it for all of you.
I feel I owe you an explanation as to why I suddenly dropped out of the CCC process with the mediators. I did so about one week before the mediators arrived. I did not participate in the process in any way. I took this action because the old feelings of anger toward and hatred for Jim had begun to bubble to the surface and dominate my psyche. These same feelings were present in me at the end of my term as President in June 1998. It took me a full year to rid myself of this hatred. The process took longer after June 1998 because Jim never once took the effort to contact me after I left the Board. Despite the closeness of our relationship during the year of turmoil that had negative impact on both of us, it was as if I never existed in Jim's eyes...or it was good riddance. In June 1999 I resigned from UUCF.
This year when I decided in April to join the precursor of the CCC, I asked Robert Moore if it would be in the best interests of the group if I rejoined the church. He thought it best that I rejoin, so I did with a small pledge for last fiscal year and an equally small pledge for this fiscal year. In rejoining the church I had to have a reinitiating meeting with Jim. That took place on May 13th. It was an acrimonious 75 minute meeting. It was then that I first realized, to be reconfirmed at the September Board meeting when I saw him in action for the second time, that Jim, in my eyes, was an evil man.
I think everyone has good and evil in themselves. Those who are self aware and know when their evil side needs to be put in check, or who have a good sense of moral and ethical values, these are people who we need not worry about. It is hoped that these are the types of people we would want for our ministers, our spiritual leaders. If you didn't know Jim well and would only see him up at the pulpit on Sunday morning, at a Saturday social event or a mid-week personal growth seminar, you might come to the conclusion that here was a likable, gregarious, intelligent, caring guy who had his evil side in check.
To see Jim challenged is to see Jim as the evil man. Any time Jim's authority or his ability to control his domain (UUCF) is questioned even in the most minute way, Jim goes into his evil mode. He is unforgiving, unrepentant, self-centered, insecure, vengeful and hateful. I have seen all of this in Jim much too often. I have grown to hate him. I believe that hatred itself is evil, so this hatred for Jim is my evil side manifested. I do not like this of myself. On top of all this, I say to myself, my god, this man is a minister!
When I saw Jim in action at the September Board meeting and then read later Pat Moore's notes on the actions toward the end of the meeting after I had left, I was appalled. Jim had openly blackballed Jeanne Swan's nomination to be the Treasure of the Month. Go back and read Pat's notes. This man, our minister, is resolute in his vengeance. Jeanne, of course, was one of the signers of the petition.
Between September and my October decision to not participate in the mediation process, I had a couple of conversations with a friend from the Arlington UU Church. This person was one member of the committee who had forced Kim Beach into retirement. The reason for the conversations was to find out what process the Arlington church used in advance of their ultimate action. Yes, they used a mediation process too. But one thing came up in our last conversation that was very revealing to me about this mediation process. That is that most if not all the professionals at UUA and at the district level who do this kind of thing are ordained ministers. There is a tendency, yes even a bias, for one minister to protect another minister. When this sank in, I realized that regardless of what Stefan was telling Robert Moore, these ministers from outside the church would be here to protect Jim. Now if you read their report in this context, I think there is a lot of truth in what this person from the Arlington church was telling me. This, however, points up a very serious weakness in UUism. Except for the feel good aspect of General Assembly, the UUA is in existence to preserve the well being of the ministerial contingent in the denomination, but really does little for the proletariat as a group. Polity really has only one dimension, that being the lack of heirachial control in the church. The other dimension pertaining to minister/congregation relationship, is basically ignored. With a minister like Jim, that aspect of polity is an anathema. And so it goes.
So now as I hear about the goings on in the church, I see that the moneyed interests have come out in full support of Jim. The reaction to dissention has been to draw the wagons with the result that the church is fiscally stronger. That is unless Paul Kohlbrenner is not giving us the accuate picture. Activists have rallied around Jim and Bill. It's up, up and away. Well folks, without me. I am out of here. I want nothing to do with this church any more. I tried to come back but the hatred and negative feelings have beaten me back. I need to move on. Forgive me for abandoning you. You are great people and I thoroughly enjoyed and valued the experience I had with you. I am not in the mood or in a place in my personal life to go to another church or to participate in starting another church. Reston sounds good. I tried the No. Va. Ethical Society. Not for me.
If any of you want to keep in touch with me, my e-mail address is [e-mail address removed]. However, this will be my last posting on CCC unless some of you want me to respond to your comments. I will remain officially as a UUCF member for now but will not pledge next year so will ultimately be removed from the rolls. The only way I could come back to UUCF is if Jim leaves.
Best regards,
Craig Goff